Baby Mama
by InkDeath
Summary: What happens when yet another vampire is introduced the the Hellsing Family? But not in the 'usual' manner a vampire would be added... Someone's a mommy! Pairing? Possible. Rating may go up...
1. Prologue

Baby Mama

Disclaimer: I do not own Hellsing or any of the characters; this is a work of fiction for fan amusement and entertainment.

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The vampire target was on the run. Unlike so many others, it knew that the foes it faced were greater than he, so he ran. Alucard enjoyed a chase, and it had been so long since he had had a good chase.

He and Seras jumped through the doors of a closed medical office. What kind of office they weren't sure, and they didn't care, all they knew was that their pray had run into the building in its haphazard run from the inevitable.

They crashed through several doors before they cornered their target in a lab room. Alucard's mad grin widened when he spotted the target as he tripped over something in the lab. "Say goodnight." And he fired a single round into the vampire's skull.

Seras's nose wrinkled, "I was no use, drat."

"You'll get there, eventually." Alucard sneered as he began to poke around the lab. "I wonder…what is all this? I've never seen this sort of equipment before." He picked up a large syringe looking instrument.

"Look, master, we should leave these things alone…master! What are you doing?! Spit that out!"

"What?!" He said after he swallowed hard.

"What did you just eat?" Seras stared at him disbelievingly.

Alucard shrugged, "Found it in that funny little fridge over there."

"_WHY did you eat it??_" Seras was still flabbergasted.

"All I know was that it smelled tasty, ok?" Then turned around and began picking through more of things around him.

"Master, let's go before…stop that! I'll tell Integra if you don't stop…_eating things_!"

"Bah! Who's the master here?"

"Integra." Seras threatened.

Alucard sneered as he looked at his fledging, "Fine, fine, be that way."

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"Sir Integra."

"Yes, Walter?"

"Alucard and Seras are pursuing the target into a clinic, and I'm afraid there is going to be damages."

"What for of clinic?"

"One that specializes in _in vitro fertilization_."

"Oh, well, that might be a bit of a mess to clean up." She frowned as she twiddled her cigarette between her fingers. "They just better not touch anything."

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PLOT BUNNY ALERT. Gah, when will they stop! They breed like…well, bunnies!


	2. Not the Desk!

Baby Mama

Disclaimer: I do not own Hellsing or any of the characters; this is a work of fiction for fan amusement and entertainment.

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Alucard banged his head on the wall in Integra's office. "I'm so bored!" He banged his head on the wall again.

Integra sighed, "Then go pick up a hobby."

"I've been inactive for over two months!"

"Hobby."

"I have a hobby, and that's killing stuff!"

"Then go kill a few squirrels, for all I care, Alucard, I have enough troubles of my own."

"You never care!" Alucard huffed and disappeared through a wall angrily.

Integra stared for a moment, then she blinked. _What is with the sudden emotional attitude?_

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"Seras!"

Seras came like a dog to the whistle to her master's room. Then she cringed when she saw her master. "Master? Master! What's wrong?"

He was huddled in a ball on the ground, "Seras!" He coughed as his body shuddered in pain.

Seras came over to her master and placed a concerned hand on his shoulder, "What's the matter?"

"I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. Ok! Just…make it stop!"

Seras could think of only one thing to do. She ran to Integra.

"Integra! Something is wrong with Alucard!" She burst into Integra's office just as she was lighting a cigarette. She jumped and the lighter dropped onto her desk, the papers she had just finished signing bursting into flames.

"Ah!" She grabbed a folder and smacked it over the flames until they went out, then she turned on Seras like an angry tigress. "_What?"_

"Master, Alucard, he's in pain, I don't know what's wrong, but he's on the floor and screaming in pain."

Integra paled, "How…are you sure?"

"Yes! Hurry!"

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They had Alucard in the hospital ward. Walter was the only one allowed near him, for he was the only one who could keep the raging pain-blind vampire under control.

Walter came out of the windowed room Alucard was kept in, Alucard laying on the small bed, still shuddering and flinching in pain.

He sighed, "One minute he's ready to tear my throat out, the next he's weeping. I can't possibly think of what would ail him so. He's the immortal vampire after all."

Integra frowned darkly, her eyes closed and her brow furrowed, "Fix it."

Walter sighed. "I can't not when we can't figure out what is wrong with him."

Integra gritted her teeth, "Please, Walter, try and find out."

"I'll take another look, but honestly it's hard to just keep him still."

Walter entered the small hospital style room while Integra watched from the other side of the glass. He came over to Alucard calmly, "Are you feeling any better?"

Alucard turned with a growl. "No…oh!" He could hardly finish the simple word before he retched a splatter of blood over Walter's butler suit. Then he heaved a long sigh. "Yes."

Integra felt sorry for her butler, he really deserved a vacation, sooner than later.

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It happened every day for the next month. Alucard would complain endlessly of pain from his abdomen before puking up small amounts of blood, and then he would be perfectly fine, as well as perfectly exhausted. After the episodes he would lay around in his cave-like room and demand blood, type B only.

When the episodes stopped Integra was relieved and prayed that whatever the problem had been was gone for good. But what troubled her still was the fact that she had never heard of such a thing happening to a vampire.

Walter, after the whole thing, was called to Integra's office.

"Walter, you are frankly, a saint for dealing with Alucard's little problem, so I want to reward you with a long overdue vacation."

"Sir?"

"How does six-months at a resort in Hawaii sound?"

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"What? What do you mean Walter is gone?" Alucard fumed.

Integra growled, "Since when did you care where Walter was?"

"_I just do!"_ And again with the emotional outburst he left Integra's office.

Integra's eye twitched. "Alucard! Get back here!"

"I don't feel like it!"

"_Alucard!"_

He stuck his head through the wall, "What?" He snapped.

Integra raised her gun and shot him between the eyes, sending him out of the room. "Go to your coffin!"

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Two months after the incident Integra was at a meeting with one of the knights of the round table, at a small resort where they ate dinner at the restaurant. Alucard and Seras were ordered to be present, just out of sight.

Alucard was restless. Seras was annoyed. Her master was behaving very un-Alucard like as of late, and it was getting to her last nerve.

"Stop doing that!"

"I swear I'm getting fat from all this inactivity!"

"You're a vampire, you don't get fat, but it we could you would be Jabba the Hut sized by now after all the blood you have been drinking." Then she snapped again, "Stop doing that!"

"Starwars geek!"

"Shut up, and stop playing with your belt!"

"It's too tight!"

"No, it's not!"

Then Alucard froze as a waitress handed Integra her tea at the outdoor lunch table. "She's type B…"

"Alucard, don't you dare-"

"She's type B!" And he dashed out of the bushes where they were hiding and tackled the unsuspecting waitress.

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"You are damn lucky she wasn't hurt too badly!" Integra rapped Alucard over the head with the butt of her gun, again, as he coward on his knees in her office.

"I don't know what came over me. I'm sorry! Ow!"

"You stupid vampire! What is wrong with you??"

Alucard crossed his arms and turned his head away like a moody teenager.

"Don't give me that!"

"I hate you!" Alucard punched the ground with a fist.

Integra sighed, "Just go to your coffin."

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"Master…?"

Alucard looked around the fridge door with a pack of medical blood in his mouth, "Vhat?"

"You are cut off from rations, remember?" She hissed.

He ducked back behind the door, "I need more blood, Seras, I need more blood! I can't control my thirst…" Then he came back from the special fridge they kept the blood packs in with two armfuls of packs.

"Master, no wonder you think you are getting fat, look at yourself!"

Alucard shrugged, "I left A, AB, and O for you if you want any." And then he vanished through the floor with his spoils.

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Walter was going to be back in two days, thank God, only two more days. Having Walter around was going to put a layer of ease on Integra's nerves. There had been zero vampire activity since the incident at the clinic, but Alucard had been a _chore_. Perhaps once they had a mission he would go back to normal.

"Master…" She heard a groan from the front of her desk. She stood and saw Alucard huddled behind her desk. "God, master," He retched on the ground before him, "Make it stop…"

Then he pulled himself up slowly and his bloody chin rested on her desk, his eyes closed in pain. He burped and groaned again.

"Alucard," Integra felt a stab of pity for her servant, "Maybe you are drinking too much blood…arg! Not on my desk! Not the desk!"

Alucard curled his back and made several horrible gagging noises like a dying cat. Integra saw something unnatural stir in his throat and before she could so much as raise a hand Alucard brought up a wave of content from his stomach, just as it all splat over the desk he fell back as if in a faint.

Integra's mouth hung open and her eyes were wide with astonishment as she stared at what he had retched upon her desk. She could not comprehend what lay before her eyes.

Alucard groaned, "My throat, it tore open my throat…" He struggled to come up again, gritting his teeth as he pulled himself up on the desk. Then he stopped and stared just as Integra did.

"What…is…_that?_"

Seras came into the room, gun at the ready. "Master, I smell blood, what's…" Then she dropped her gun when she saw the moving mass on Integra's desk.

It made a cry.

"It's a baby!"


	3. Seriousness

"Walter."

"Yes, ma'am?" Her butler, back and refreshed from his long vacation trip, long overdue, was ready for work. He stood up straight, regal, and with that practiced air of a gentleman, waiting for his master's request.

"There is…something I need to show you. It's about Alucard and his previous…illness."

"Yes, how has the Un-Life King been doing? I was wondering about it."

Integra grunted slightly and stood up. "Here, come with me."

A little confused at the lack of straightforwardness, Walter followed.

"Do you know anything about raising infants?"

"I did a great deal while you were, Sir Integra."

"That's right, my mother didn't do much for me when I was young…" Integra's eyes were closed and she pinched the bridge of her nose as she stood before a door.

"What's the matter, Sir Integra?"

"We have a situation, to do with an infant." She sighed a little. "I am honestly at a loss for what to do. Here, come inside." She opened the door and walked inside.

Walter followed her and stopped, looking curiously at the crib in the center of the room. Integra gestured towards the inside of the tall crib. Walter came and bent, looking inside to see a sleeping baby. It was pale, with perfect infants' skin, its eyes were closed and…it wasn't breathing. Before Walter could think he was looking at a dead child he saw the baby take one breath and then stop again.

"It's a vampire babe." Integra said coolly.

"Where…did you find it?"

"My stomach." A dark voice muttered from the corner, and if Walter had been anyone else, he would have jumped. Alucard stood from the corner and came to stand behind Walter. "That thing came out of me."

Walter made a slight face, which consisted of a slight frown and tightening of the skin between his brows. "I don't understand."

"Alucard came into my office and spewed a vampire child on my desk." Integra said bluntly and sharply.

"And…!" Alucard held up a hand. "I haven't eating a baby since becoming servant to Hellsing."

Walter frowned and looked down at the sleeping child. "And you don't know what to do with it, Integra? What does Hellsing do?"

"We kill vampires. But this is different, Walter."

Alucard tilted his head. "How so? You would let any of the un-dead walk simply because they looked like an innocent child?" He challenged his master.

"No. The child will be kept alive until I figure out how this happened. At least you're back to his old self."

Walter glanced at the half grinning vampire where he stood as Integra's shadow.

"Does it … eat anything, Sir Integra?" Walter asked warily.

Seras skipped into the room through a wall. "Isn't she cute, Walter? Isn't she?" Seras stroked the baby's cheek with a finger.

"Yes, Seras has been feeding her at night."

"You warm up the blood pack in the kitchen." Seras commented, still absorbed with the child.

"And Alucard? What have you been doing about it?" Walter asked curiously.

"Nothing." Alucard's face was expressionless.

-:

Little hands wringing and little feet kicking, she grabbed up at the air, her face about to explode with joy at the sight of her mommy.

Two gloved hands came down and picked the child up quickly before she could squeak in her delight. With two wide red eyes and a smooth bald baby head, she was nothing more than a blob of energy.

Alucard rubbed her head. It was cold.

He sat on the floor, holding the child in his hands and looking down at her. He opened her mouth a little wider with a finger and checked her gums. He saw no teeth, not even a peak in the gums. What was a vampire without teeth? This wasn't a vampire, it was a lumpy helpless bloodsucking leech… she fell against his stomach when he forgot to hold her tightly enough and she flopped awkwardly.

"Ma…ster?"

Alucard covered his torso with his duster cloak and looked sharply over his glasses at where Seras's voice had come from.

"What's that?" She pointed at the lump under the red cloth.

"I…ate it."

"Master, really." Seras put her hands on her hips and looked at him.

"Eh…" There was a small squeak from his lap and shifting under his cloak.

Seras sat in front of her master and held out her hands.

Alucard, rather roughly, plopped the child in her hands.

"Master, not so rough!" She hissed.

Alucard watched as Seras gently put the child in her lap, having it face Alucard. "What do we name it?"

"We? What do you mean 'we?' And name it? Why does it need a name?"

"Master, please?"

"Integra wouldn't appreciate you naming it like a pet." Alucard pointed out.

"I don't care, she still needs a name. How about after you, master?"

"Dracula, Alucard… not really girl names."

"Acula? Sounds sort of girl-like."

Just then someone opened the door. Integra was standing there in her bathrobe and pajamas. "Seras? Are you feeding it?"

"The blood is warming." She said quickly.

"Alucard, what are you doing?"

"I was awake. I was bored. I was bothered. So I came in to make it be quiet."

Integra's look was cold, but not accusing or angry. Without looking away from Alucard's red gaze she said to Seras, "Go make sure the blood doesn't get to hot."

"Y-yes sir." She handed the baby to Alucard and dashed off.

As his master watched Alucard stood and plopped the infant back into the crib as if nothing had happened. Only after that did Integra walk away back towards her bedroom.

With his hand resting on the edge of the crib Alucard watched her leave. Then as she disappeared he felt a sharp pang in his finger. He grunted and drew his hand back and found it bleeding. He stared with a hot incredulous eye at the child as he looked at his hand. The baby was holding herself up by the railing with a wobbly stance, grinning with her plump cheeks at Alucard, a trace of blood on her lip. He saw a tooth.

"I don't think they're supposed to grow that quickly…"


End file.
